He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
