ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
