whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
