He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
