That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
