new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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