I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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