Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
