His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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