when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
