he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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