I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
