dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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