So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is wine microwaveable?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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