I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
