You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
