so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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