Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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