This is not my ceiling
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
