I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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