Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
