my sisters under your porch take her home
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
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I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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