dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
