I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
