You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
