you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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