I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
