i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I love you. Go after that dick
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
