In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
