i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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