i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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