Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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