between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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