lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
