I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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