I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
