Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
