What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
