I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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