so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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