i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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