I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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