I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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