How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
