Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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