I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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