Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
