as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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