She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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