Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
