I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
