I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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