My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i love accidental penises.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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