Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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