if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
