are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
