I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
