Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize