he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
