I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
