genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
