i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Barsexuality is the new black.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
