Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
